On writing and why I write

“I am overwhelmed with things I ought to have written about and never found the proper words.”

― Virginia Woolf, The Diary of Virginia Woolf, Volume One: 1915-1919

I think about this quote a lot.

I, too, am overwhelmed by this.

By the things I ought to have written about.

By the ideas that have been bouncing around in my head for days, months, years, decades.

But haven't found the right words for.

So I will write.

I will sit down and write about writing and what writing means to me.

Writing is teaching

Writing to me is the act of sitting down and explaining something.

I have an idea in my head that I want to convey to you, the reader.

How do I teach you about this idea that I want you to understand?

How do I teach you when I can't see you, can't see your reaction, can't listen to your questions?

Writing, to me, is about how I do this impossible act.

How I convey an idea through words alone.

Writing is teaching you about an idea that exists only in my head using only words on a page.

To teach is to understand fully

One thing any teacher of any level knows (or will learn very quickly) is that to be a good teacher, you have to understand the material.

You have to deeply understand the idea that you're trying to convey.

Because otherwise you can't convey the idea in the most clear terms.

So for me, to teach is to understand fully.

To understand in a way where you know the idea inside and out.

That's what it takes to be able to teach something.

And writing is teaching.

So, to write something is to fully understand the idea that you're trying to write about.

To crystalize for myself

This act of understanding something deeply for yourself is difficult.

Often times, when talking to therapists or writing these blog posts, I don't know what I'm saying until it comes out of my mouth or onto the page.

Yet I'm told over and over that I'm very eloquent in my speech and writing.

So that's not quite right, I know what I want to say, on some instinctual, subconscious level.

I just haven't found the right words for them yet.

While they're just bouncing around in my brain, I haven't found the words yet.

That's why I write.

I write to convey the ideas that I want to share, sure.

I write to teach people about myself, themselves, and the world they live in, sure.

But really, writing is a very selfish act for me.

Writing is about crystalizing the ideas that are in my brain into words.

About Finding the Words.

This project

Again, this project is about finding those words.

Finding the words that will save me.

An act of desperation to attempt to drag myself to a place of self-understanding and peace.

Finding the words that will save me.

Me trying to save myself

That is why I write.

. . .

So begins Act 2 of Finding the Words

---

Liked this post? Please share your thoughts on fedi/bsky!

Subscribe to get emailed about new posts.