Plurality and therapy

This blog post spun off of this blog post. Check that one out first.

IFS is fascinating and a useful framework for exploring your "parts".

But plurality is a much more powerful framework, powerful in the kinds of things that can be expressed, with less rigid rules and more free flowing boundaries.

Plurality is not just a therapy framework, but an identity one can be.

What follows are my random thoughts on therapy for plural folk, as well as how this framework can be more generally applied.

Lots of spitballing and random ideas, take with a grain of salt.

Headmates, not parts

Plural folk feel quite strongly about referring to their headmates as "parts".

That language can alienate headmates who front less often, or maybe don't front at all. They can feel minimized from whole people with their own personality, wants, and desires, down to just a "part" of the headmate who fronts the most.

So the language of a "headmate" is more appropriate for most plural folk, we have other beings that we share a body and mind with, so they're mates in my head.

Traits, not roles

Firefighter, manager, exile. Those are the strict roles of IFS parts.

Plural experiences are much more varied, no two systems are alike in their headmates and systems.

System dynamics, personalities of headmates, common duties/roles of headmates. These things all vary wildly but have somewhat been documented on Pluralpedia

These traits can form a common ground for talking about plural systems.

Many of us have littles, a gatekeeper, a protector, emotion holders, a caretaker.

This cornucopia of terms is useful for understanding ourselves and understanding each other.

Terms and labels are powerful, and having a wide breadth of terms allows us to use them to understand ourselves and map out our systems.

Blanket terms like firefighter, manager, exile are useful but only as general references for mapping out headmates, they give a starting point but not a be-all-end-all definition for them.

Fragmented Self. Golden orb

IFS also has the concept of Self, an indestructible manager part that heals the other parts.

IFS emphasizes acting "within Self" rather than "within a part".

Again, this alienates a lot of plural folk, who reject any kind of strict hierarchy within their systems. Such an idea of hierarchy is very against the core idea of plurality that headmates should be respected as autonomous beings.

Yet, plural folk can demonstrate all of the 8 Cs of Self, so how do we make sense of it?

My personal view is that the "Self" described by IFS can be explained by one of two theories

1. The healing, pure "Self" is split across the headmates
2. The healing, pure "Self" is an object that can be passed between headmates

Theory 1: Fragmented Self

Quite simple, each headmate holds a portion of Self, and when the headmates work together for the system's long term goals does the system display the 8 Cs.

Not sure if I like this theory, because it implies that headmates are somehow not "complete" without each other, which may be true for my system but may be a very negative idea for others.

Again, I'm just spitballing

Theory 2: Golden orb

"Self" is a golden orb that can be passed between headmates, and when it's being held by a fronter does the system display the 8 Cs.

It's a nice visualization of Self that feels less hostile to me as a system, so I like it.

I'm not sure if it holds any water though.

Anyway.

Fronting, balance, respect

Fronting is the act of allowing another headmate to control the body that we all share.

Finding a balance between fronting headmates and respecting the other headmates (and the system as a whole) is a core idea in every (I assume?) system.

Balancing who gets to use the body we share and under what situations.

Respecting each headmates wants and desires with the shared body.

Both are critically important to plural identities, but isn't at all explored in IFS.

Yet it's quite important for the following reason:

Allowing thoughts to surface

Allowing others to front allows new thoughts to surface.

Different headmates often hold onto different emotions, ideas, thoughts, and feelings that the primary fronter of a system might not experience or be aware of.

So integrating an idea of healthy respect and balance is, in our minds, a critical part of a well-functioning system.

It helps us figure out a lot of stuff that we just struggled with in the past, as well as just generally making us a lot happier.

Plurality works for us.

And maybe it could work for others more generally?

An identity, a way of living, a beautiful form of self-expression

IFS is a therapy model that helps people learn and deal with emotions/experiences/trauma that they struggle with

Plurality is not that.

Plurality is an identity, a way of living.

Plurality is our way of expressing ourselves in a way that feels authentic and right.

To say that plurality is "just IFS" or "just a form of therapy" would be lessening our experience.

So for plurality to be integrated into a therapy modality would involve requesting that the client embrace plurality as an identity in their day to day life, not just as a method in the therapists office.

That might be a difficult pill to swallow, but for some people this identity shift might just be what they need to figure out themselves.

That's what it was for us, it was a missing piece to feeling complete.

Additional reading

• Beyond IFS: Inner Work that Works for Plural Systems

Appendix: Is everyone plural?

(Author of this section: Lily)

Many minds, one self and IFS therapy both posit that everyone has these parts. Plural folk push back quite hard against this idea, that endogenic and traumagenic systems are "different" from others in some way.

I don't know.

I'm also trans and I know that my trans-ness was something inherent to my being, something that not everyone experiences.

Same with my autism.

I'm sure that not everyone shares my experience in those aspects

But my systemhood? My plurality?

That I'm less sure.

So I hesitate to weigh in on this one way or another.

Is everyone able to identify as plural? Is it something you can just "opt into"?

I'm not sure.

Does me even proposing this lessen the experience/struggles of other systems? Maybe...but I hope I'm not making anyone upset.

I'm just not sure and all I have is my experience within Terra.

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