Fate sends a Dragon during a meeting

During a meeting, two of the topics were surrender and giving up control to your Higher Power.

During said meeting I spoke about my experience with that and Step 1

1.) We admitted we were powerless over depression – that our lives had become unmanageable.

I struggle a lot with accepting this idea, that I could not control my depression and that I had to surrender control over to my Higher Power, the power of The Fates.

I always strongly believed that I am in control of my own life, that I am in control and can control all aspects of my life.

But I know that my self control is taken away when I spiral into depression.

I also know that my control has led me to make myself spiral and feel worse and worse in my own depression.

I'm starting to believe that my self control over my own life is in some way, harmful for my recovery.

Maybe.

Perhaps.

Maybe.

I wanted a message from my higher power, so I reached for my Wild Elemental oracle deck.

And I drew a card: Dragon

Protector

A very powerful messenger, the Dragon appears when major life changes are happening or about to happen. 

He is with you as a reminder that you have the power to get through these changes! 

You are being shown that though these changes or situation may seem overwhleming and life-altering, 
it is a catalyst for major spiritual growth. 

It is not often that this amount of power enters your life at the same time as transformational changes. 

Harness and make the most of it!

Damn...

I guess a powerful messenger of a goddamn Dragon coming into my life at the moment when I'm questionoing my willingness to surrender to The Fates is one hell of a symbol.

Another shot from my higher power I guess.

I will work towards giving up control and surrendering.

Being vs doing

I'm a do-er. I always do when I'm presented with a situation. I do and do and do some more whenever I'm scared or threatened or in a bad position.

My therapist suggested that I work towards being, just being in a situation and existing in the feelings that I'm experiencing.

Again, that idea of surrender.

Again, another series of coincdences that I can't explain. Me deciding to attend this first meeting of mine, people suggesting those two topics during meeting, my therapist talking about it, and finally me pulling that Dragon.

My higher power looking out for me? Or just a series of coincidences that I can't explain.

Somehow, things keep working out for me.

As I write this, I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that intense spiritual changes are coming my way, and that Dragon is the Fates sending me their power.

Their belief that I can get through this and surrender control over to them.

Can I do it?

Maybe. Perhaps.

Maybe.