'I'm going to feel worse if I do that, so I won't'. An introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

A peer from residential said this and it really stuck with me: "I'm going to feel worse if I do that, so I won't"

It was so simple yet so powerful, just don't do it if it's going to make yourself feel worse.

So simple yet can be applied to so many things.

What I've realized since then is that it ties into a therapy modality that I've been interested in for a long time but never had the chance to really dive into, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

But now I have a ton of free time and nothing else to do, so I've been working through this workbook and it was nice to see so many random ideas that have been bouncing around in my head be validated in a published book.

So let's talk ACT.

The core problem

There are 3 core problems with how our brain attempts to solve our mental struggles, which might explain why other therapy modalities might not work for you

1. Controlling your thoughts and emotions is extremely difficult and impossible to maintain
2. Struggling against your thoughts just creates unnecessary suffering. You can't just avoid them
3. Becoming one with your thoughts and fusing with them also puts you at their mercy. You can't just mesh with them.

The six tenents

There are 6 core ideas to ACT

1. Defusion. You have to disconnect yourself from your thoughts. The core idea is breaking free from the thoughts that don't serve you.
2. The observing self. You are the observer of your thoughts, not your thoughts themselves
3. Acceptance. You have to become willing to accept negative and difficult emotions as they are. because pain is inevitable. Difficult emotions are normal and expected parts of the human experience.
4. Mindfulness. Be aware in the present moment, rather than caught up in thoughts about the future or the past.
5. Values. Identify the values and goals that matter to you
6. Action. Act in a way that aligns with your values and goals

So accept that you will have difficult thoughts, defuse from them, observe them while being mindful, remind yourself of your values, then act in a way that aligns with them.

The quote

"I'm going to feel worse if I do that, so I won't"

It's a simple idea but it really works, it aligns with a lot of the ACT ideas.

It simplifies the commitment part of ACT into one simple quote, as well as being mindful about your emotions and being in tune with them.

I'm going to feel worse if I ruminate those negative thoughts, so I won't

I'm going to feel worse if I do that thing that feels comfortable but makes me feel worse, so I won't

I'm going to feel worse in the long run if I don't act according to my values, so I won't

I'm going to feel worse if I do that, so I won't.

Simple, yet so powerful.

Another simple quote

Another simple affirmation to build out the full ACT package is

"Pain is inevitable, and that's okay. Let it pass through you".

The acceptance piece of ACT can be the hardest to come to terms with. But as the book outlines, it's not about wallowing in your own misery, but moreso about accepting that inevitably, hard things and hard thoughts will come.

Don't fight against it, just accept that it's going to happen and learn how to let them flow through you rather than trying to "deal with it" or "make it go away" or just avoid it entirely.

In conclusion

Two simple quotes to capture the core tenents of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, a therapy modality about accepting difficult emotions for what they are and committing to actions aligned with your values.

Pain is inevitable, and that's okay. Let it pass through you.

I'm going to feel worse if I do that, so I won't.

It's a therapy modality that works much better for me than CBT and DBT, the classic two behavioral therapy modalities that focus on changing thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

My thoughts always feel like immovable boulders. The idea of just flowing with the river rather than force myself to wade upstream just works much better for me.

If this blog post sounded interesting to you, give ACT a try! The workbook is excellent.

Therapy is a journey and much like medication, it takes a long time to find one that works for you.

Good luck out there.