I will be dependent on meds and support for the rest of my life

I've had to come to terms with two facts in the last few years.

Because of my mental health disorders, two facts are likely true

1. I will be dependent on psychiatric medication for the rest of my life
2. I will be dependent on social support and therapy for the rest of my life

Medications

I will be taking psychiatric medication for the rest of my life.

My OCD is no longer crippling but is still exhausting to deal with.

I can't imagine going back to my life before I started on medication to help with my OCD.

So I'll be on my OCD medication for the rest of my life

That same medication was what triggered my hypomanic symptoms, uncovering a bipolar 2 diagnosis.

I can't imagine surviving constant hypomanic episodes followed by depressive crashes.

So I'll be taking my mood stabilizers for the rest of my life.

I will be taking psychiatric medication for the rest of my life.

This is a fact I've had to come to terms with in the last few years.

It's a tough pill to swallow (haha), but it's something I've come to terms with.

I will be taking psychiatric medication for the rest of my life.

And that's okay.

I am disabled and need medication to support myself, it's no different than any other medication that is lifesaving and required for someone to stay alive.

Nothing is different.

Support

I will be require social support and therapy for the rest of my life.

This is an even more difficult pill to swallow.

That I can't take care of myself on my own.

That I need help from my partner, friends, family, and therapist to keep my life on track.

If the last 9 years have shown me anything, it's that I just can't do it on my own.

I've tried my best and done all the right things...

But when the first thing you lose is all your coping skills and internal supports, it's very hard to take care of yourself.

Hence the conclusion:

I will be require social support and therapy for the rest of my life.

This is hard to accept because I want to be self-sufficient.

I want to be independent.

I want to be strong enough to take care of myself.

Accepting support

I don't want to accept help from those who care about me.

I've struggled with this for a long time, and will likely continue to struggle this for awhile longer.

Accepting help, when I so desperately need it.

Accepting structure from those who can provide it for me, when I can't provide it for myself.

Accepting support.

I need it...most likely for the rest of my life.

To keep the bipolar depression under control.

To keep the OCD under control.

To stop myself from overworking and burning myself out.

To stop the spirals before they snowball out of control.

I will be require social support and therapy for the rest of my life.

It's hard

It's hard to come to terms with.

Three years ago I expected to be off medications within a year.

Last year I thought I had figured everything out and could manage on my own.

Neither of those turned out to be true.

So I've flipped and started working on accepting the most difficult facts, even if they might not be true.

Part of me holds out hope that I could make do without social support.

That I could lessen my medicinal load.

That I could maybe one day just exist "normally".

But that doesn't seem likely for me.

It just isn't in the cards for me because of the brain I was born into.

It just isn't in the cards for me.

And I have to accept that it's okay to need support and medication.

For the rest of my life.

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